The Gatlin Gun Was Designed To Kill Democrats

IN MEMORIAM: Richard Jordan Gatlin, M.D. (1818-1903)

On the eve of the 2008 Democratic convention in Denver, Colorado, let us pause for a moment to remember the inventor, humanitarian, and patriot, Dr. Richard J. Gatlin.

In 1861, Dr. Gatlin was faced with a significant public health issue: how to kill Democrats without killing a lot of Republicans in the process. His solution, in 1862, was to invent the first machine gun at his manufacturing company in Indianapolis that still bears his name, the Gatlin Gun.

As the American Civil war began in earnest in April 1861, Dr. Gatlin was appalled at the carnage the early battles produced. He reasoned, correctly, that, given the tactics, weapons, and current state of medical practice, future losses due to illness and battlefield deaths would be horrific.
He reasoned, alas incorrectly, that a rapid- fire weapon would reduce the need for large armies, hence reducing deaths due to illness. (Fewer soldiers, fewer deaths.)

And because the Union Army mostly was comprised of Republicans, trying to save the nation, while the Confederate Army mostly was comprised of Democrats trying to destroy the nation, making his invention available solely to the Union Army would serve as a model of civic improvement.

There have been many changes in American since that long ago time, but one thing remains timeless and unchanging, the best and sincere efforts of the Democrats to destroy the country.

So I suspect, contrary to current wisdom, that when the American people take a peek at the 2008 Democratic platform, once again the Republicans will “mow ‘em down” as in the days of yore. Rally round the flag boys!